I don't know what I did right when I was about 12 years old, but the decision not to have children may have been the smartest decision of my life. Most 12 year old girls would be dreaming about boys and high school and love and marriage and having babies. I went the boys route, didn't think much about high school, but was thinking of a career. I certainly did not end up doing what I thought I'd be doing back then, but I knew a career was a must. Love and marriage, too, was a dream, but the idea of kids was not. Was it because, at age 12, my eldest nephew was born, and I was faced with what it was like to have an infant around? Don't get me wrong, I love my nephews and their families! But tending babies?! And then dealing with toddlers and all? No, that wasn't for me! Was it the fact that I nearly died from my first asthma attack that year and knew that the allergies I'd inherited would be passed on, and would be worse? (Mine are far worse than what my dad and granddad ever had.) Struggling for each and every breath is a horrid way to live, and I'd not wish it on anyone. Was it a revelation from my Heavenly Father that it would be best if I didn't go out and multiply? I always knew that I'd not make a good mother. Could it have been a combination of these things? Likely, it is a combination.
Whatever the source or sources, I am so very thankful that I never gave birth to a child. While my brother's sons were healthy, there have been health problems from there on. My eldest nephew, has 3 children, the youngest 2 with the amino acid deficiency that forbade them meat proteins and dairy products while they were growing up. Not surprisingly, both of those kids both have some maturity issues, but one is dealing with it far better than the other. The eldest of the 3 may have already made the decision not to have children of her own, which would be a very wise decision, indeed.
My youngest nephew, fathered 3 healthy kids, but the 2 eldest, both girls, each have given birth to kids with birth defects. His youngest has not yet had any children, but I don't hold out hopes for defect free children there.
I never believed in the Old Testament God who visited the sins of the father onto the children, because I knew the New Testament God who gave us the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. However, as I look at my great nieces and nephews, I have to wonder if I have been wrong. I have to assign the sin of the father mostly to my brother, and to my father, because he initially set all this in motion. But my brother... His treatment, no, his abuse, of his sons set up his youngest son to carry on the abuse. And it is that side of the family which is experiencing the latest birth defects. We've lost one great-great nephew to a birth defect, and the future is not the rosiest for my newest great-great niece, who, at 6 days old, had open heart surgery, and faces at least 3 more. She may have immune problems, speech problems, skeletal issues... I am praying that her heart is her only issue, but I won't be surprised if she has other issues. Right now she has a feeding tube down her nose, and it may be a month or more before she can get rid of it; she has to consume 60ccs from a bottle before it can come out...
These innocent babies are being hurt. My only great-great nephew narrowly survived a seriously premature birth, which was an physical issue of his mother. He is now thriving, and seems to be free of the problems which killed his older brother. And I am starting to believe that my father and brother are indeed at fault. Yes, my decision to remain childless was indeed very smart.
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